deviated what?

It's funny what you learn about your body when you decide it's time to fix something. Between the headache that won't quit and the blues that never quite dry up, I've seen my doctor, three specialists, therapists, taken classes and popped pills. I've read books and articles on hypomania, sinusitis, rhinitis, qi, TMJ, SAD, migraines, anger and Buddhism. I've learned my sinus cavities don't extend up over my eyes, I'm mildly allergic to dust mites (and nothing else, to my utter shock), I have a moderately deviated septum with a slight bend in it, and the vision in my left eye actually improved while the right eye got worse; I figure when I'm 70, they'll meet in the middle. I've had three different people look in my ears and say "tsk, they're too clean", "I can tell you don't drink enough water", and "beautiful!" I've tried ice, heat, medicine, yoga, massage, acupuncture...and next week: hypnosis!

Despite my M.D., my allergist and myself all concluding I don't have a sinus infection, an ENT stuck a tube up my nose into my cavity today and said, "You have an infection in here." Hard to argue when she's looking right at it... She was denied the other side due to my bent/deviated septum, so next step is a cat-scan to make sure there's nothing going on in there. Still, no firm cause of the headaches, which she said aren't attributed to my infection. Hmmmm. But in her investigation of my head and face (and she wore one of those cool mirrors over one eye to reflect light - I thought they were only in old movies!) she said my front teeth are worn down and I might be grinding my teeth. She equated clenching your jaw, especially overnight, to running a marathon and your knees aching afterwards. The theory: I clench, so my face aches. I'd be perfectly happy if a mouth guard, which I already have, custom made from my dentist, solved my problem. And what if I didn't wake up with a headache? Maybe I'd actually want to get out of bed....? That would be a new experience. Next steps: mouth guard for a month, antibiotics for 10 days, cat-scan in 5 weeks, follow-ups with allergist and ENT. I won't go into too much detail about the next steps for my depression because, well, that's somehow more personal than a tube being stuck up your nose.


As my ENT said, it's all connected. Even without a silver bullet answer, I've learned about myself each step of the journey through my triage. If you act with the intent of bettering yourself, how can you fail? I've also learned that no one cares. Or at least, no one cares more than I do. My M.D. was content to write me off with Flonase for allergies, but I pushed for what I thought I needed.

I'm learning to be my own advocate - with my doctors - and with my life.