Flat Tire

Ever feel like this life that is supposedly "yours" is totally and utterly out of control? If you're not in control, then who's life is it, really?

According to my life coach, I don't deal well with change. (I didn't need to pay someone to tell me that.) And here I am again on the edge of change - it's not necessarily good or bad - but different. Different than what I've designed my life around. The old work metaphor of having to change the tires while the car is driving down the road comes to mind...ready or not, life keeps going.

What's worse...I'm forced to face just how much of my life is disorganized, unhealthy, dysfunctional and chaotic, which is what makes dealing with change so impossible. (Didn't have to pay someone to give me that little bit of insight!) So long as the only stress in my life is self-induced, which I'm an expert at, I make due with a bit of anxiety, missed meals, fitful sleep, tension headaches and other assorted coping activities. But now it's coming full force from the outside and I have no structure to fall back on to get me through it. Not only must I deal with change, I am overwhelmed with the need to fix everything else along with it.

I'm pretty sure this sets me up for failure. (I'm tempted to pay someone to understand if that's true or not.) How do I create discipline where I didn't have it before? Where do I find the inspiration to do the right thing when I feel like crap? Will I drive my son into therapy before he's 13??

Who the hell knows.