So....

As you can see, I forgot about my blogs. 

I've had the itch to write every now and then, then thought, meh, I never keep it up... journaling in diaries isn't realistic for me. I forgot all about the blogs.

Well, here they are. Still preserved on Blogger. Under an account I was able to blow the dust off of. Don't think I want to read what I wrote in years past just yet... but maybe eventually.

We're, how many months now into COVID? It almost feels like the beginning of some apocalyptic book with an elder reminiscing about what life was like "before". It's been an exercise in gratefulness, to count my blessings when I feel frustrated, or angry, or scared, or isolated. Many have suffered and my family has fared relatively well. 

Blessings.

I remember a year ago thinking, hoping, the closing of the schools and forcing kids home would make them appreciate it when they went back. They would miss their friends. They would miss the interaction. Getting out of the house. Events and sports. I'm sure that's been the case. But many are now wanting to sleep in, roll over and log in to school. They're retreating into their electronics. Some are depressed. Some are paranoid and frightened as schools open back up. Our kids went from 3 hours at school, to now full days, and supposedly covering the same material. And we wonder... do they really need to spend all day there? It was nice to reclaim time.

But it's been months and months and kids have changed, adjusted, and we lost the opportunity for them to really miss what they had and be grateful for it. Now things just are.

Me?

Well I worked from home anyway. And I'm not really flush with friends that I go out with a lot. Put a lot less miles on the car... Saved money from no lessons, no gym memberships, no hair appts (UGH). Saw less friendly faces. Haven't played any gigs. Definitely missed having some important people in my life. Or if I saw them, missed being open and free with them. And missed some special events that I look forward to every year. Is it weird I missed those things as much as the people? Like the state fair, which I've been to every year since I was 18 (and my son's been to since he was born). Or the local Portuguese Festa my extended family cooks for (been going there since, well, forever). I long for those events because they connect me to traditions and memories and people that have helped mold me over the years.

There's hope. There's always hope. At least most days. Especially when I turn off the news and avoid social media. There are people out there with a digital megaphone that can suck the very soul of hope out of you. Some days are better turned inward. Taking care of my boy. Taking care of my family. Caring about my home and my dogs and my job and taking pride in a simple, productive day. Staying focused on what I have control over. That's sanity. That's healthy.

Some days I'm healthy. Some days I'm not.